My dad said I cannot post this, it is too offensive of doctors and their jobs, so sod it.

 Just cannot wait to make something of myself and understand how to medicate my body and brain properly to be that f1 machine again.

Yep, all complicated and intriguingly webbed by the body and the brain and my perceptions of how and whom I should function like, when I am fuelled up on testosterone though I am like a different animal and one like to be. I swear that testosterone has a lot to do with schizophrenia and the way the body and mind is, it definitely plays a lot in the makings of what a doctor will tell you and medicate you for. The medication is way too strong in those little acute assessment wards, they should be there for acute assessment not for permanent medication and they should assess not just medicate. I hear staff getting a kick out of patients’ pain on medication all the time, just because the meds are too strong and made universally for a bigger person not just the little people. The bigger person consumes the meds better, instead they have people trying to get illicit drugs into the mental health wards which should be legally able to say I am defending myself based on the meds being too strong. Of course they are allowed to say that they are not allowed to actually use drugs to defend themselves, it is a disruption of treatment and illicit are a unproven medicine even though most of them were used in ww2 and other medicative types to get people up mountains and things. Such a backwards and unfair system in those places, expression when unwell is a crime in those places, it needs medication and what are the patients trying to get away from? The medication and each other and the staff being pedantic and generally unfriendly because they are bored and uneasy about each other and the patients.

Very difficult system, the system is, you go in you take meds and you come out the other end a better person than when you went in, this takes up to 6 months in one of those places, the stress is incredible, whose to say they are not just getting a balanced diet and learning to live with their conditions which can take years. Even without medication which is the bit they all do not like, why don’t they allow a period without medication, I am so sure they made that mistake with me, not letting me recover properly, without recovery the meds just masked the problem and now I am left sleeping for hours and awake for hours because the masking is still going on.

I do not need my testicles messing with and my testosterone.

I am smart enough though to find other ways round it, but it has taken me years, and a lot of advice and trial and error. These things are not funny. Especially when the advice is not given to you by the doctor on how to increase your testosterone or libido.

I am fed up with small, minded people and their kicks and their stupid jobs that they get paid way too much money to do. They can do what they want when they are out of hospital though, just do not tell the doctors or you may find your self on another section for disrupting treatment, especially if you were on a CTO (community treatment order).

What happens when the idiot gets attacked by a doctor, he needs another doctor, and that has worked for me, only if I am complying with the system, which has been a waste of my time, time and time again, I only worked that out recently.

Bloody useless, not a goer.